just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
