Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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