i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
