I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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