i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize