he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
