Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
