Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Only a mothe r could love this liver
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
