Are we in a gay sports bar?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
