I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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