hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
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This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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