I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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