Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she peed on how many people?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
