he shaved USA in his pubs
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
