i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
