you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
