this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
