I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
