Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
