break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize