people are starting to question the shark bite story
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
