I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
