There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
