I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
