Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
