i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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