i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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