I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
