hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
