I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
