The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You are a genius and a whore.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
