Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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