Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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