I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
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I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
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I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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