She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize