Quick, to the slutcave!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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