Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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