do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
