Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
