I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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