So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
