He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
