I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
