??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
