Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ladies don't puke and tell
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
