come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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