dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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