I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
