did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
