What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
