I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
