dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
