like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
