Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
