just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
