Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
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I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
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Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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