I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
