The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
