SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
