Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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