Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
