But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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