and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize