Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
