as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
